Here’s Something I don’t Understand

For Mature Audiences Only.

The Phallus photograph, which I am sure most of you know by another name…(which I will get to here in a second.  I am trying to figure out how much text I need to have here to keep any sordid language below the visible part of the post when you are just seeing the preview on Facebook or Twitter.  That seems like enough, right?)

So, the Penis Picture.  ( I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.  I just don’t know how many lines it, takes.  Oh, and, I don’t know if you know this but, it seems to just negate the, “I’ll hit enter a bunch of times” method.  I assume that there is an HTML code I could put in…I don’t know what that is…you can tell me in the comments.)

So, a frank discussion on: the Dick Pic.

Like all discussions it starts with a question; Why?  Why do they even exist?

Okay, so there is probably this elite class of dick experts…prostitutes, super sluts, all gay men.  To them there are classes and sub-classes of penis.  They want to know which sub-class of sub-class it is for anticipatory purposes.  (I assume prostitutes just play the whole scenario out in their minds so they can get that out of the way, and they can better go to their safe place during the actual experience.  And, the rest of them it’s just all part of their sex addiction…anticipation.)

But, the rest of us…why?  I do not want you to send me a picture of your vagina!  I would have to be so amazingly turned on to think that is appealing.  So turned on in fact, you would have to actually be in the room with me for me to reach that level.  At which point do not send me a picture!  Send me a look.  (I am pretty old so, I don’t understand you millennials, but I am starting to.  So, I assume she takes one or two pictures of her vagina if it’s looking great, just to show her friends on Instagram, and you take a selfie of yourself with her doing that in the background that you will later turn into a meme, with you wearing the douche-bag hat, and actually commenting on the PS4 game that is paused behind her.  I could be wrong, you people make no sense to me, apparently I am also supposed to interpret you through some schmear of poly-gender-pc…something nobody actually knows, or can explain to me.) I assume it is the same for a woman.

And, putting myself in the metaphorical shoes of a woman.  Those things just come flying at them at all times of the day it seems.  So, in the middle of a text messaging session with her aunt who is explaining how her uncle died.  She gets an alert, lifts her phone expecting more tragic description…Wrong!

How do you shift gears?  What if it’s during a live conversation?  You know your aunt is going to sense the awkward silence and ask about it;

“I know it’s hard.  Are you okay?” Your grieving aunt asks.

“Well, no.” You think.  “I just got slapped in the face with a dick pic.  And, frankly your word choices aren’t helping.”

Another thing about this topic is; who’s doing it.  Male celebrities have now been caught doing it numerous times now.  Why?  You had them at hello.

(I now use it as a gauge of their IQ and self-delusion levels.)

Now, again.  There is a select sub group of male celebrity that it would be okay with society, if there were pictures out there… and these men are porn stars.  Which again, logically negates its self from existence.

“I don’t have time for that, google it woman.” ( I said woman but, you know.)

Speaking of self-delusion, I think that is a big part of why they let things get out.  They have been listening to people who are in their celebrity presence for so long they actually believe the praise.

“I’ll share my magnificence with the rest of society.”

The rest of society is not in the room with you, and think you will somehow be the ticket to their own fame.  Except, for those few 100k people who now hope they will create the perfect comment or meme about your lack of magnificence, and that will bring them online fame.


“Let me just send this to my #1 fan.”


Sadly, I could go on, but I believe I have exceeded my lifetime limit of thinking on this subject matter.  But, know this…they are out there in the cloud forever.

If you disagree, or are still confused on my position.  Leave a comment.  Do NOT leave a picture.






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